


Hold Me

by lovesmesomehiddles



Category: Loki - Fandom, MCU, Marvel
Genre: Anger, Angst, F/M, Jealousy, Love, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, brief mentions of smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25827415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovesmesomehiddles/pseuds/lovesmesomehiddles
Summary: Jealousy, anger, and secret rendevous lead the reader to harm herself. Happy ending though, don't worry.
Kudos: 21





	Hold Me

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNER - The reader does self-harm. But I promise the ending is happy.

You threw the door open letting it slam behind you. you didn’t care how much noise you made, you were angry. Tearing your dress off you stormed into the bathroom. Anger burned in your chest bubbling up into your throat until it came out as a strangled scream. Hot tears streamed down your face as you gripped the counter, bent forward your hot skin pressed to the cool stone. You pound your fists on the smooth surface and glance at the mirror. The person that looked back at you was nothing special, no great feature that made you stand out. Nowhere near as beautiful as she was. Perfect hair, perfect body. You were nothing.

You couldn’t take it anymore, the stolen glances, moments when it was just you and him. You closed your eyes remembering every kiss, caress, the hushed promises. Waking up in his bed or yours, the feeling of his soft lips on yours or other places. You loved the way he made you feel like you were truly his. You had started to believe it but fear was creeping in. He promised it was all for show, that he didn’t love her at all. But you saw the gifts and notes from her. The stories she spun to make him and everyone else feel sorry for her. She wept about fighting her faults and imperfections like everyone else and took drastic measures to gain pity and attention. The healers were put hard to work several times, but the damage was already done.

She was supposed to be your friend. She certainly played the part in front of you and in public but you heard the things she said about you and your friends, the lies that she spread. To hell with her flaws, everyone has them but there is always a choice. You certainly had yours and considered drastic measures as well but you would never do it as she did. It would be quiet and without ceremony. You doubted very much that people would miss you, or weep for you, should anything happen to you, not as they would for her. It made you sick when you heard that he had gone to see her and tell her that he felt sad about what happened to her and wished to help her. Even though she had orchestrated the event to bring attention to herself. The knowledge made you angry and jealous. You ran, high-tailed it out as fast as you could but something drew you back to him. You had no idea what it was but you went back. Not tonight though, you couldn’t. You were done. Watching them flirt and talk together while you stood in the corner, unnoticed and alone. You stewed over everything that had happened in the last few months. You were tired of being in her shadow and let the anger boil over, quickly leaving the hall. So here you were, staring at your reflection, hating it; hating her and him. No, you could never hate him, you loved him too much for that. You began to imagine her in his arms, his bed. You imagined her name coming from his mouth at night instead of yours, even when, deep down, you knew it to be untrue.

In a sudden blind rage, your fists hit the mirror with a crack, glass shattering around you. You banged your hands against the fractured pieces that clung to the wall until something made you stand up straight. A new feeling, a pain that was almost…cathartic. A release. Relief surged through you. You glanced at your wrist, watching crimson drops stream down your arm. All sense and rationality left you as you found yourself picking up a shard of glass. You peeked up at the mirror briefly before looking down to see the broken piece marking your skin. You sighed at the feeling of pain. So physical and different from the one that tore you up from the inside. This almost distracted you from it. Yes, that’s good. Keep going! Your mind screamed, so you did. You stared at the cuts and smiled at the blood that seeped from your veins, staining your skin and the white tiled bathroom floor. 

A noise behind startled you. Whipping your head around, your vision blurred and you lost your balance. Something cool grabbed you, telling you to do something but you didn’t want to listen. You were tired and weak… Sleep. You nodded and muttered the word out loud and heard a garbled response. The voice was familiar. Safe. It reminded you of home…. A home you ran from. 

Loki…” 

The name fell softly from your lips as you felt life ebb out of your body. It was better this way. He could have her. She was better for him. This way he need not waste time on her and her pathetic existence. It was better that you left. The pain was gone, you were done. You were ready to go but something was pulling you back - waking you up. You felt life returning to your body. “

No. Let me go.” You attempted to fight back but were held still but the same cool body that had grabbed you earlier. As your mind cleared and you became more aware of what was happening around you, you realized that a strong pair of arms were holding you. They cradled you to the body they were attached to. Your shoulder was wet, where his tears had fallen as he held you. You felt yourself growing stronger and as your senses came back you could hear… HIM. He was holding you, he was there. Singing? A small smile tugged at your mouth as you realized he was singing your favorite Asgardian lullaby, one you had heard him sing to you many times before. 

Suddenly, the weight of what you had done hit you. Tears fell down your face, not the hot tears of anger but the bitter tears of regret and pain. You couldn’t look at him. All you could do was shake your head. Instead of letting you go those same pairs of arms brought you to his chest, rubbing your back, and speaking soft soothing words. You buried your face into his chest and gripped the fabric of his shirt tightly as you sobbed. Time stood still. It was just the two of you curled up together on the floor of your bathroom. You slowly calmed, your tears turning to sniffles and finally nothing. You peeked up at him and instead of finding disappointment, you found sadness and love. Your breath caught in your throat stopping you from speaking but you knew you didn’t need to say anything. You knew he had forgiven you. He caressed your cheek lovingly and kissed your forehead before standing up and making his way to your bed. Placing you under the covers he climbed in next to you and his arms were pulling you towards him again, cuddling you as close as he could. You laid your head on his now bare chest listening to his heartbeat. Sighing contentedly you closed your eyes.

“Sleep now, my love. I’m here, and I’m never going to let you go.” The words played in your head as you drifted into a peaceful night’s sleep. You knew when you woke in the morning things were going to be different.“

I love you…” 

You were at peace.


End file.
